Ninja Impostors are on the Loose and Looking to Get High

WEST COVINA, Calif. — West Covina police say two people in ninja costumes robbed a medical marijuana delivery man but it’s not clear how much money or marijuana was taken.

Police Lt. Alan Henley told the San Gabriel Valley Tribune ( ) the victim had just made a delivery to a patient on South Sunset Avenue and was headed to his car when the pair confronted him and chased him with batons.

Henley says the attack took place just before 10 p.m. Friday.

Henley says the victim, in his 40s, was scared and dropped a bag containing marijuana and money and the attackers took it.

The lieutenant says he knows of no other ninja-style thefts recently.

The medical marijuana business is no joke. It’s dangerous. But never in a million was this delivery guy expecting to get attacked by a ninja. Are we sure this is accurate reporting though? Batons? I think not. Not the ninjas I lay awake in fear of… throwing stars, nun-chucks, daggers… stuff like that. Batons? That’s a little* stick right? Ninjas don’t carry little* sticks.

*i had to add the word ‘little’ so to clarify i was referring to the stupid baton. a STAFF on the other hand, comment board, is a BIG STICK, with tape on it and stuff. and it is indeed a ninja tool.


[lobbed by Van Diesel]

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18 Responses to Ninja Impostors are on the Loose and Looking to Get High

  1. Mac says:

    They are called Escrima sticks, as seen here by Jackie Chan in martial arts classic Rush Hour 3

  2. Dave says:

    Disagree. Please see here.

  3. Herm says:

    Ninja staff – The staff was one of the most important weapons in the ninja’s arsenal. It was generally around 6 feet in length, made of hard wood or bamboo and was hollow. The reason for the hollow part was another trick of the ninja trade. By flicking the bow with great speed, the ninja could launch a poison tipped dart or small knife out of the open end of the staff, often catching the opponent off guard.

    • bp says:

      right. the staff… is NOT A BATON… i guess i shouldn’t have referred to the baton as a stick. a staff is indeed a large stick. i’m fine with a ninja carrying a staff… a baton is a joke.

  4. bp says:

    I just need to know… are you jokers saying that a baton is the same as a staff?

  5. The Black Pearl says:

    Are you guys dumb or something, stop talking about ninja staff’s and read Mac’s comment, nailed it, despite the terrible Jackie Chan reference. Everybody knows that’s a young Pat Morita.
    Those guys probably just had 1 set of Escrima sticks and had to share, thus making it seem like they each had 1 baton.

    • bp says:

      you calling bruce lee pat morita might be more offensive than mac calling him jackie chan.

      and how has everyone heard of these escrima sticks? I’ve never even seen that word ‘escrima’

  6. jonesy says:

    No, Im pretty sure Dave nailed it. Dont even focus on the excrement sticks, its all about whether these guys were green, had shells, and named after famous artists…..Im sure that’s what Davey had in mind.

  7. Dou says:

    Sigh, I know that you’re all just baiting me to enter this ninja debate with that Bruce-Lee-from-Enter-the-Dragon-second-to-last-fight-scene-before-killing-Mr.-Han photo, but I’m not going to fall for it. The answer is “d) all of the above” just like in this video clip where Bruce Lee fights with a bo staff, eskrima sticks, and nunchaku all in one sequence. And then he loses to an automatic door. Pathetic.

  8. Herm says:

    Ninjas are awesome and can use anything as a weapon. The 40 year old delivery man is lucky he got away with his life.

  9. Greanthumb says:

    I would have judo chopped those ninja gypsys.

  10. J dot says:

    I definitely would have gone with a bo staff. My ninja knowledge is limited to TMNT on NES but Donatello’s reach was a big advantage.

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