How ’bout I Give You a McRib Sandwich Instead of My Wallet?

“Welcome to hell, biaaaaaaatch!

(BP here, I asked Mac to tell you about Lou Williams…here’s what he had to say)

Philadelphia 76ers guard and rising star, Lou Williams, was driving through Philly when a guy with a mask and a gun approached his car demanding Williams’ money. His tweet: (inserted by me, BP, because Mac doesn’t tweet)

Instead of doing what most of us would do, which is scream like a girl and promptly hand over our wallet and do whatever it took to escape with our lives, Lou Williams chatted the guy up. The robber quickly recognized Williams and was aware of what he had done to support the inner city kids in the community.  Now, Mr. Tough Guy Robber is all star-struck and no longer wants to rob him, he just wants to chat, so Williams offers to buy him some McDonalds.      WHAT?

Here’s what he told the Philadelphia Daily News about the incident:

“A guy tried to rob me but decided not to because of whatever I do in the community,” said Williams. “He’s a Lou Williams fan, so he didn’t rob me.”

There’s crime everywhere,” said Williams. “I was debating whether to pull off to help the guy. The gun was already out. He did all the talking, and we came up with a solution before I could really say much. I treated him to McDonald’s.”

Are you freaking kidding me?? How do you go from being robbed to buying someone a Big Mac? This is crazy talk. Listen, I appreciate the fact that he talked some sense into the guy and got away with his life, but this dude is still a criminal with a gun, a real one, not a glue gat. You don’t just let him go eat his Chicken McNuggets and be free to rob somebody else the next time he gets hungry. Am I missing something here? Isn’t there some law about not reporting a crime or aiding and abetting or promoting future crime? Like the future crime that Lou Williams is about to commit on this dude’s self-esteem…

Seriously though, I got a ticket for “exhibition of speed” once. Yes, that’s a real thing. I was peeling out at a stop light in my mom’s 1995 Honda Accord when I was like 17, the cop said that I was going to speed…like, in the future. So, I am certain that cops can charge you for what you might do… in the future. I don’t think this character is gonna put his gat away and go on the straight and narrow. This story bugs me from all angles, the sissy robber who got all star struck, the NBA player for letting a criminal loose on the streets and McDonalds for selling crappy food. So, Lobsters, the moral of the story is if you are getting robbed, offer the robber some terrible food before offering up your wallet and cell phone.

You’re Welcome,
MAC

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10 Responses to How ’bout I Give You a McRib Sandwich Instead of My Wallet?

  1. G says:

    Has anyone heard from the would-be robber since then? Perhaps this was all part of Lou’s plan — treat the robber to McD’s, robber consumes feces-infected rat meat, robber gets horrific dysenteria (could happen, its McD’s after all), and literally $hits himself to death.

  2. Mac says:

    Like when the White man gave the Native Americans Syphillis blankets? McDonald’s, the silent killer. That Lou Williams is a tricky SOB

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