BREAKING: Kim Kardashian Duped America With Publicity Stunt Marriage

Game. Set. Match. Winner: Kim Kardashian’s wallet. SHOCKING NEWS! TMZ is reporting that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are getting a divorce. The only thing shocking about this crap is that this sham of a marriage lasted this long. Nobody really believed this was real, right? I can’t tell you how much this woman gets under my skin. There are no words to describe it. She’s a bad person. Back when I first heard they were getting married, I wrote a cleverly titled blog post: I Hate Kim Kardashian. It was an instant classic. (note my humility here) I said it perfectly then, so here it is again… the good ole “quote yourself because you think you’re a good blogger” move:

So, the idiot forward for the New Jersey Nets, Kris Humphries, proposed to Kim Kardashian, and gave her a 20.5 carat diamond ring. Oh, and thanks to Kim’s awful mom, they had two mini-horses waiting for them, covered in glitter, at the after party. Yes, you read that correctly. Glittered mini-horses. What the hell is going on here? Did Oompa Loompas ride them in? Was Falcor flying in circles overhead? Was Willy Wonka’s river of chocolate flowing from their faucets? I just want to vomit reading this crap. That entire family disgusts me. My wife will channel surf her way to all those stupid Kardashian reality shows so I can’t avoid seeing/hearing parts of them every once in awhile. If I watch for more than 30 seconds, I’m driven into a deep state of rage creating an unsafe environment for anybody within 500 feet of me.

Then I came up with some marriage headlines:

Kim Kardashian should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.

20.5 carats + 6’9” = Sucker for a Giant Ass

Kris Humphries has never seen a reality TV show, proposes to Kim Kardashian.

Kris Humphries Turned a Deaf Ear to Lamar Odom’s Warning: Run Away

Reggie Bush, Ray J and Countless Others Hospitalized from Excessive Laughing

Apparently, I missed the obvious one:

Kim Kardashian Suckers Kris Humphries into a 72 Day Publicity Stunt, Pulls in E! TV… Hook, Line and Sinker

Darren Rovell provided some solid stats on their marriage: They were married for 1,721 hours, which means their E! wedding special, which paid $17mill, netted them $9,877 per hour they were married. Cha-ching!

I hate that I even blogged about this divorce. I feel like she steals a tiny little bit of my soul every time I mention her name. She leaves me no choice but to say awful things about her because she’s an awful person, but then I feel bad because I’m a good person and good people don’t talk this way about others. Welp, chalk another one up to Kim K… bringing me down to her level…and now I feel bad…which of course, brings us full circle: I Hate Kim Kardashian.


[lobbed by Pickett]

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15 Responses to BREAKING: Kim Kardashian Duped America With Publicity Stunt Marriage

  1. Herm says:

    i would dry hump her

  2. Mac says:

    Herm, you’d dry hump a buffalo

  3. pat says:

    From the moment I heard they were engaged after just 6months and the fact that he gave her a 20CTW ring, I knew it was a sham. That whole family should feel ashamed! At a time when there are so many people going without, this opulent publicity stunt is a disgrace! SHAME!

  4. ladyday says:

    I hope she has to pay him millions. I don’t think he was part of this scam. He’s a 25 year old kid (19 in man years) acting like th ekid he is, used by this 31 year-old woman. You ever notice His mother was never around, you just see her standing next to her husband at the wedding. A mother knows when her baby is being set up but when he’s grown you just stand by to pick up the pieces. I hope he picks up the millions.

  5. bridge says:

    Why did Kris Humphries family not stop this insanity. It was so obvious it was all for the money Please the fatass changed into 3 different wedding gowns and it was all about her She didn’t seem to care who was at the altar waiting for her. It’s really a disgrace when so many people are out of work trying to figure out when there next meal will be . The whole family should just go away I’m sure they were all in on it. We should stop watching there stupid reality show and don’t buy any of there stupid products or clothes they have enough money and don’t vote for there stupid fatass brother on dancing. They should all just go away and stop making anymore money off us the American people!!

  6. Crew says:

    Anyone who thinks there was any aspect of this that wasn’t carefully orchestrated and executed is absolutely deluding themselves. I guarantee E! banked on the whole plot line, I guarantee the whole Kardashian family banked on it, and I guarantee the whole Humphries family did too.

    The only victims here are the people that thought this was anything other than a marketing ploy from day 1. You hit the nail on the head, Bridge, they are making money off the American people. If there is a market for it, the product will be sold. So everyone who is outraged and clearly tuned in, take a good long look in the mirror.

    • bp says:

      i’ve been looking in the mirror since you posted this comment… is there, like, an end result i should be looking for? i mean, i’m still the victim here, right? what are we talking about again?

      • Crew says:

        You should feel AWFUL. And once you do, you should think about Herm and a buffalo and feel WORSE. Then do some push-ups.

  7. Herm says:

    i would play with her boobies too

  8. Meinparadise says:

    The entire Kardashian machine is sickening. For the life of me, I do not understand the attraction. The IQ requirement must be 30! They rake in millions of dollars, yet not one time have I heard of any of the spoiled entitled “B’s” having a charity or participate in anything other than self promotion. How the hell can you be so famous for not a damn thing! Only in America!!! Kris Jenner whore’s her daughter’s to the world and now the Jenner crew are coming up and off they go as well! Poor Bruce, he’s has no balls left, he has been emasculated by Madam Jenner…..

  9. Meinparadise says:

    …..oh, and who do you think paid for that ring? Certainly not Kris H. He couldn’t afford it. I sort of believe him when he said he didn’t see this coming. After all, her big ass was in the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. anonymous says:

    Why doesn’t someone just shoot her already

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