The Wife of the Suicidal Jerk with the Exotic Animal Preserve… Sleeps with Monkeys. What?!

A macaque monkey that remained in its cage was moved from a Zanesville, Ohio, animal preserve to the Columbus Zoo. Dozens of animals, including Bengal tigers and lions, were freed by the preserve's suicidal owner and had to be killed by police. (Grahm S. Jones/AP Photo)

So, I’ve intentionally avoided this crazy story that everybody on the planet is talking about. Some selfish prick owned tons of exotic animals, let them loose in Ohio, and killed himself. Then the cops proceeded to kill them all…like 50 of them. Just a horrible slaughter fest. I saw pictures online and almost started crying. So, so sad. I understand the animals could’ve killed people and all that, but frick… they don’t have tranquilizer guns in Ohio? I bet every cop that killed those bears, lions, bengals, monkeys, etc… were all Ohio State fans.

Anyway, then this story this morning comes out about how there are a few surviving animals that are at the zoo, and the wife of the suicidal exotic animal hoarder wants them backThree leopards, a grizzly bear and two Macaques were the only animals that survived. She called them “her children“. She loves them. She misses them. She sleeps with them. Wait, what? She revealed to Tom Stalf, a zoo official who helped transport surviving animals to zoo, that “when she was still living at the farm the surviving female Macaque would sleep with her.” What’s a Macaque you ask? It’s that monkey up top.

So, this chick is sleeping with a monkey? I know it’s not in the sexual way, you sick freaks, but still… I love how they just casually throw that into the story without making a deal out of it or anything. Like, am I the freak here? Is sleeping with a monkey normal? Listen, I had a yellow lab my whole life growing up and my dog would jump up and sleep on my bed every night. No big deal. Loved that dog. Wouldn’t have it any other way. But, really, you’re sleeping with monkeys? Something’s not right with this family.

-bp

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2 Responses to The Wife of the Suicidal Jerk with the Exotic Animal Preserve… Sleeps with Monkeys. What?!

  1. DAVE says:

    Two things… First, I take great offense to your portrayal of people from Ohio. It is the heart of America, and these colors don’t run. Although I do share several of your views on Ohio State fans, Susan King still lives there, and she is a saint. Furthermore, have you ever had a delicious, peanut-buttery buckeye treat? Second, if sleeping with exotic animals is wrong, I don’t want to be right. You would not believe how well you sleep being little spoon to brown bear.

    http://www.ugo.com/image/162351/anchorman

  2. marink says:

    wish they could have have used tranquilizers, logistically almost impossible though. so so sad. some people are just sick. oh and macaques can carry some gnarly diseases; wouldn’t want to be near that chick.

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