2011 MLB Wild Card: Conspiracy Theorists Unite!

Rob Carr / Getty Images

How great of a day is today for baseball? Both the AL and NL wild card races are coming down to game 162. Four teams: Red Sox, Rays, Cardinals, Braves. Love it. The Rays just keep winning, while the Red Sox just keep losing. The Braves bullpen has gone to crap and their bats have gone cold, while the Cardinals, who many considered to be out of the wild card race for months, won’t stop winning. It’s so awesome. If all 4 teams win, or all 4 teams lose, there will be, for the first time in MLB history, two tie-breaker game 163s. Either way, I’m so excited to see how it all shakes down tonight.

Of course, for Padres fans, the idea of a game 163 makes our skin crawl, as we try to scratch away the memory of our game 163 loss to the Rockies a few years back. Maybe, if the Cardinals go to game 163 against the Braves, Matt Holliday can slide into home, never actually touch the plate, and win the game for the Red Birds too. The Red Sox are in the midst of an epic collapse, which would be especially tough for Adrian Gonzalez, as this would be even worse than the collapse down the stretch that the Padres suffered to the Giants last year, who went on to win the World Series. Back-to-back years for AGon having a playoff birth all but in the bag, only to have to win game 162 to even have a chance. Sad… he’s a good dude.

Kim Klement, US PRESSWIRE

Everybody knows who the Rays are playing, right? Of course you do… the Yankees. Hmmm… I wonder who the Yankees would rather play in the playoffs? It’s not a rhetorical question. I’m guessing there are some that love the rivalry so much, they’d actually prefer to see the Sox win just so they could potentially beat them. Those guys would be idiots. If the Yankees are smart, and they are…they will throw this game. Conspiracy theorists unite!! What? It’s true. I was talking with Mac about it earlier. Why the hell not? What’s the best way to stick it to your archrival when you’re not actually playing them? Lose when they need you to win. Throw the game, handing the Rays the AL Wildcard, and handing the BoSox one of the most epic collapses in baseball history…and a spot on each of their respective couches for the playoffs. Done and done. Something else of note, MLB.com has the Yankees pitcher for tonight’s game listed as TBD. How funny would it be if the Yankees started someone like Bartolo Colon’s fat ass? Oh man, imagine how funny that’d be… wait, what? He’s what? Well tickle my balls and call me Susan, apparently Bartolo is their #3 starter… in real life, not a joke. Well, scratch that plan. How ‘bout this one, Yankees, I offer you….my right arm. I can hop on a plane right now, hit the East Coast in time for the game, suit up, and be the worst pitcher since AJ Burnett to ever take the mound in a Yankees uniform. TBD = BP. Whaddya say, Hal?

-bp

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