This is Me Taking 100% Credit For Every One of Tom Brady’s 517 Passing Yards

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Go ahead. Somebody… anybody… I dare you to say Tom Brady doesn’t read LobShots. Dare. You. I’m not here trying to say that the only reason Tom Brady shattered his career high in passing yardage on MNF is because of me… but the only reason Tom Brady shattered his career high in passing yardage is because of me. From earlier today, in reference to Cam Newton’s big rookie debut, I said, and I quote, “Oh, and the golden boy of all quarterbacks, Tom Brady… has never thrown for 422 yards. (He’s only gone over 400 yards in a game once, for 410 in 2002.)” Yep, direct quote.

You don’t think that lit a fire under his ass. The man has been in the NFL since the year 2000. My math’s pretty good, and that’s almost a decade. Almost. So, now, all the sudden, on the SAME DAY I write about how he’s only thrown for 400 yards once, he comes out gunslingin’ for over 500 yards? Yeah. 517 yard passing. Coincidence, my ass. Now listen, I could literally make a living out of bashing Tom Brady, because dammit, he makes it so easy. Well, that, and I’m the jealous type. Hell, in addition, I’m the arrogant type…so much so, that I will, for the second time in this post, quote myself. This one came right after I saw the ESPN special “The Brady Six” Here’s what I, a Chargers fan, had to say: “Well, I watched the full special, and I’m so pissed that I did. I would’ve loved to have just gone through the rest of my life hating Tom Brady, but dammit, as much as I hate him… I kinda started to like Tom. Ugh. Even typing those words makes me want to kick my own ass. I watched this special, and I saw him get all choked up… which he did talking about his parents. His parents. I get that. So I refuse to knock him for it, rather, I respect him for it. It’s emotional. Ok, fine, I got that outta the way… I hope all you Boston assholes are happy now. Know that I still hate you, your Celtics, your Patriots, your Red Sox, and whatever your hockey team is called. But Tom Brady earned my respect in this special and I think he deserves all the credit in the world for the accomplishments he’s made, the greatest of which is named Giselle.”

All of the above that I wrote… that’s how I felt watching Tom Brady against the Dolphins for the 2011 MNF season opener. Dude is just good, and resilient. It’s friggin’ impressive. Impressive to point of bothersome. Well, Tom Brady… glad you’re a LobShots reader, and you’re welcome for some inspiration for the game. You just keep doing those Uggs ads, and that should provide me with plenty of ammo to mock you, thus providing you with motivation to win… at least until you play the Bolts. Cheers. Tell Giselle that BP said waddup.

-bp

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3 Responses to This is Me Taking 100% Credit For Every One of Tom Brady’s 517 Passing Yards

  1. Hodge says:

    Dude, you’re on a roll… Quick! Post something about the Bolts never winning the big one. We’ll be a shoe-in!

  2. Mac says:

    Bolts play the Pats in New England this coming Sunday, might want to stop swinging from The Tom’s flowing hair soon and start focusing on the Bolts crushing his will to live.

  3. bp says:

    The Bolts won’t win the 2012 Superbowl. The Bolts will definitely lose this year to the Pats. Belichick won’t come down with a case of severe gonorrhea….

    **fingers crossed — hope this works**

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