Authentic Transcript from Eli and Plaxico’s First Conversation Since 2009

Eli: Hello homeboy, how is the leg? I heard you shot yourself at some sort of place where adults go to drink beverages and dance to the rap music at night. Then I heard you went to jail…like, a real one. Plax: Yeah, man. A real one…is there a different kind? What the hell is wrong with you? Thanks for visiting, asshole.

Eli: Hahaha. Visit you? Good one, Plaxico. I forgot that you like to tell the jokes. Plax: I’m smilin’ because of the cameras, but I would love to rip your jugular out. 

Eli: Bring it in for the camera. (whispering) That is not a very nice thing to say. I am sad that you are on the Jets now. You are going to trick people into believing that Sanchez is a decent quarterback…you know, the same way you tricked people into thinking I am good. Plax: You ain’t good. Nobody thinks you’re good. You’re awful. Sleep with one eye open, She-li, I don’t care if we won a Super Bowl together, I plan using the gun I shot myself with on you.

-bp

[pics via Sports Grid]

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