Ok, Lorenzo Lamas is not actually dead… but his friggin’ name is. Dude had one of the coolest names in show business, and he went and flushed it down the toilet. Our boy Mac pointed out to us that he got married to his fifth wife this past weekend, Shawna Craig. Yes, fifth. TMZ managed to gather the critical piece of info on this wedding… he’s taking her last name. Meet Lorenzo Craig. This is disturbing information indeed. I’m 99% surethat I own a pair of Frye boots that were worn by Lorenzo Lamas’. Don’t judge me. I bought them from a wardrobe sale from the studio that produced Renegade. Yes, Renegade. Prove to me that he didn’t wear size 11.5 boots and I’ll drop my certainty percentage down to 98%. Regardless, I’m kind of disappointed in Wikipedia. They were literally updating the NFL teams that players were on before they were officially announced in the draft last week, and yet… they still don’t have his new last name. What they do have, however, is this little nugget that makes me want to puke. “Lamas got married for the fifth time with his fiancée of more than a year Shawna Craig, 24, in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on April 30, 2011. His daughter Shayne Lamas, 25, attended her father’s wedding.” That’s right, his new wife is younger than his daughter. Gross, bro. My brother is 2 years younger than me and I remember feeling like a creep when I dated a girl that was younger than him.
This is that… times a billion. You’re a sick man, Mr. Craig.
Mr. Craig? I want to wash my mouth out with soap just saying it. The Renegade is no longer. All that’s left now is a gross old man. Bad news? Now I have to sell my boots. Good news? He’s got a 5 year plan. What is it? Don’t die.