Man Crush of the Week: Jeff Motuzas

Who’s that you say? Jeff Motuzas? Yeah, before today, I’d never heard of him either… and yet, now, I have a crush on him. I just read this amazing Wall Street Journal piece by Scott Cacciola. Jeff Motuzas is the Arizona Diamondbacks bullpen catcher. In addition to that, he’s nuts and will just about anything for a buck. He lives life similar to our motto, “if you lob it up, we’ll take a shot at it”. Professional athletes with too much money just lob up crazy things for him to do, and he does them for cash. He’s an 11 year old stuck in a 39 year old body.

Here’s a list of things this guy has done for money.
-Ate Skoal straight out of the can (I puke when I try Skoal in my lip. He ate it)
-Ate 11 bananas in 4 minutes (Dude is half monkey)
-Drank a gallon of milk in 12 minutes (I think that can actually kill you)
-Snorted wasabi (I would die)
-Put hot balm on his dry shaved armpits and left it there for an entire game. (Insane)
-Got shot point blank with a BB gun in the earlobe. (Did that pierce his ear?)
-Got whipped with rubber nunchucks (note: 2nd LobShots nunchuck mention of the day…channeling Michelangelo over here)
-Ate live moths (Just disgusting)
-Ate someone else’s puked up yogurt. (I puked in my mouth a little just reading that)
-Ate someone else’s boogers. (Yes, boogers.)

And my personal favorite… he has an ongoing deal with Livan Hernandez, now with the Nationals, that allows Livan to punch him in the nuts at $50 bucks a pop whenever he wants. Every 10th punch…he gets a $300 bonus. This is just insane…that goes without saying… but what the hell is wrong with Livan Hernandez? Pretty sick and twisted, right? Don’t get me wrong… I, along with most of my friends, have no problem droppin’ the occasional sacktap on each other for a good time. But this? Pretty weird if you ask me…for both of them. Who wants to subject themselves to that? Kinda hurts just thinking about it. You’re both weird.

Anyway, keep up the good work Jeff… if there were more screwballs like you in the world, it’d be a better place for sure. Cheers.

-bp

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